My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
