so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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