I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
