I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
