May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
