When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
