I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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