i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize