a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize