dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
