i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
