my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
