Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
