i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
