Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
