Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
