why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
