she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
