why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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