I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
