I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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