I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
