I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
