She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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