wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize