Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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