riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
