your parents love me but you hate me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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