i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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