Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
