Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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