After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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