help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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