We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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