That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
