Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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