I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
