well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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