We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My breasts were aching with rage.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
