she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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