The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
