I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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