Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
