all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
