All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize