My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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