if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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