dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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