Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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