Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
