doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
