My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
