So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
is it fun? or sober?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
