to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
