dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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