Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How does it feel to date your dad?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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