He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
