This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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