ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
