Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
