zippers are such a cool invention
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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