Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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