Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
