ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
