He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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