He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
