She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
