I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
