I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
