My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
