I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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