nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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