Having a random hookup so left but love u
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
