i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
