I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize