Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
