you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
