Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
