is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
