WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
