bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
