Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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