Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
