nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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