I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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