i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
