Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
